"The first year of marriage is miserable" ... "The first year is so hard"... "Our first year was the most difficult time"... We heard it many times from many people. And now after this first year, we can safely say we agree!!!!
There have been so many real joys in our new married life. And yet so many really hard things too. Sometimes we feel like we could not be more thankful for our marriage and to have each other to do life together. But other times, it feels like we're so lost and more alone.
We wanted so badly to be healthy godly people so that we could love each other well and serve each other, considering each other's interests before our own. But actually, we realized we were practically married to strangers. There's so many deeper things we didn't know about each other. Like if we wake up well or wake up like monsters (me). Or late night if we are happy campers or ... monsters (him). (Late night owl marries the early bird) We didn't know how to react when the other got angry or discouraged in the moment. (Our dating life was mostly through texts, calls and emails long-distance.) It's not that we didn't know each other or argue while we dated. We surely didn't think the other was perfect. More like, we just got to look through the window and see mostly great desirable things and just a small glimpse of the imperfect, dirty heart stuff. (I feel like I've blogged about this already? I don't know if it's in my many draft blogs I've written and never posted because I couldn't get around to finishing them or in my journals or emails to friends! But bare with me...)
This summer as we prepared our hearts to celebrate our 1st year anniversary... we reflected back a lot on this year. And how only by God's grace, we are still together! (Throw in the cross-cultural pressures, language, in-laws relationships, stress, our sin, busyness of life, work, relationships, hard hard church life, arguments, long long deep cries... along with the laughter, fun, adventures, travels, romance, dates...) The latter always seems to be the glimpses of hope and not the most memorable of this past year though. For me, the Lord led me to Psalm 73 as I started to learn my biggest lesson of this first year...
Sometimes James and I felt and still feel completely lost in our marriage world and our life. In the dark hard times, we reach out and cry out to the Lord. No matter if that takes a few minutes, hours or days. And we have learned more deeply of our first Love's love for us. We have turned to Him, separately and together. Even though we felt lost, we are thankful to know where to turn to and know that we are not alone and our hope is in our sovereign all-powerful loving gracious forgiving Lord. We are thankful to learn how to see the gospel in our marriage and see the true beauty of the covenant of marriage. As Christ loved the church. We are no experts by any means, we are not habitual forgivers now but we are growing and we are trusting.
Wherever we are, I think we need the remember that there is nothing we need to desire more than God. Not our spouse's love, not approval, not those things we always struggle with... it's just God. We just need Him to fill us, to meet us, to mold us, to change us, to cleanse us, to forgive us, to love us, to draw near to us as we draw nearer to Him.
We are also thankful for the plentiful resources, books, sermons, supporters, prayers & comfort in and from many friends (thank you most of all to Greg and Wendy Gill for their patience, love and grace and many precious skype times through this year).
A few things that have helped point us to Him in this last year:
Sermon videos:There have been so many real joys in our new married life. And yet so many really hard things too. Sometimes we feel like we could not be more thankful for our marriage and to have each other to do life together. But other times, it feels like we're so lost and more alone.
We wanted so badly to be healthy godly people so that we could love each other well and serve each other, considering each other's interests before our own. But actually, we realized we were practically married to strangers. There's so many deeper things we didn't know about each other. Like if we wake up well or wake up like monsters (me). Or late night if we are happy campers or ... monsters (him). (Late night owl marries the early bird) We didn't know how to react when the other got angry or discouraged in the moment. (Our dating life was mostly through texts, calls and emails long-distance.) It's not that we didn't know each other or argue while we dated. We surely didn't think the other was perfect. More like, we just got to look through the window and see mostly great desirable things and just a small glimpse of the imperfect, dirty heart stuff. (I feel like I've blogged about this already? I don't know if it's in my many draft blogs I've written and never posted because I couldn't get around to finishing them or in my journals or emails to friends! But bare with me...)
 |
| Because we couldn't free the top layer of our cake and bring it overseas with us, I made our very own red velvet cake replica. |
This summer as we prepared our hearts to celebrate our 1st year anniversary... we reflected back a lot on this year. And how only by God's grace, we are still together! (Throw in the cross-cultural pressures, language, in-laws relationships, stress, our sin, busyness of life, work, relationships, hard hard church life, arguments, long long deep cries... along with the laughter, fun, adventures, travels, romance, dates...) The latter always seems to be the glimpses of hope and not the most memorable of this past year though. For me, the Lord led me to Psalm 73 as I started to learn my biggest lesson of this first year...
Psalm 73
A psalm of Asaph.
1 Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
(I am so often not sure pure in heart!)
to those who are pure in heart.
(I am so often not sure pure in heart!)
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.(yes, that's me!!!! exactly how I felt!)3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
(yes, me again. envious.)
I had nearly lost my foothold.(yes, that's me!!!! exactly how I felt!)3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
(yes, me again. envious.)
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a](definitely seemed like a lot less than we had)
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
(Does God know how we're doing?)
their bodies are healthy and strong.[a](definitely seemed like a lot less than we had)
5 They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
(Does God know how we're doing?)
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
(Help me Lord to not be like the wicked.)
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
(Help me Lord to not be like the wicked.)
13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
(I have tried so hard to seek You Lord, why do I feel so afflicted still?)
and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
and every morning brings new punishments.
(I have tried so hard to seek You Lord, why do I feel so afflicted still?)
15 If I had spoken out like that,
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
(Many times, I've just wanted to enter your sanctuary.)
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
(Many times, I've just wanted to enter your sanctuary.)
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
(Where else could I run Lord? I know there is only Truth, the Way and Life found in You. But my heart is heavy from the realities of brokenness and sin and life.)
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
when you arise, Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
(Where else could I run Lord? I know there is only Truth, the Way and Life found in You. But my heart is heavy from the realities of brokenness and sin and life.)
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
(My heart was tired this year Lord.)
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
(My heart was tired this year Lord.)
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
(Yet I will stay with you, Lord, because I trust in you.You will hold me always by your right hand.)
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
(You have guided me before and in each time, even when I felt I could not go on anymore and we both wanted to give up, you guided me again and again and again showed us your great glory and power.)
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
(Oh, Lord, whom do we have but you??? No one. On earth there is nothing we desire besides you.
We confess that even when we look to each other before you,
you hold me by my right hand.
(Yet I will stay with you, Lord, because I trust in you.You will hold me always by your right hand.)
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
(You have guided me before and in each time, even when I felt I could not go on anymore and we both wanted to give up, you guided me again and again and again showed us your great glory and power.)
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
(Oh, Lord, whom do we have but you??? No one. On earth there is nothing we desire besides you.
We confess that even when we look to each other before you,
we know we have looked in the wrong places and idolized wrong things.)
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
(We fail. So much. God. But thank you for your great GRACE and love for us. Thank you that you are truly the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. That you are our only first love.)
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
(We fail. So much. God. But thank you for your great GRACE and love for us. Thank you that you are truly the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. That you are our only first love.)
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
(Oh, Lord, it is good to be near to You. You are our sovereign Lord, you are our refuge and we will continue to trust in you and tell of all your deeds.)
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
(Oh, Lord, it is good to be near to You. You are our sovereign Lord, you are our refuge and we will continue to trust in you and tell of all your deeds.)
Sometimes James and I felt and still feel completely lost in our marriage world and our life. In the dark hard times, we reach out and cry out to the Lord. No matter if that takes a few minutes, hours or days. And we have learned more deeply of our first Love's love for us. We have turned to Him, separately and together. Even though we felt lost, we are thankful to know where to turn to and know that we are not alone and our hope is in our sovereign all-powerful loving gracious forgiving Lord. We are thankful to learn how to see the gospel in our marriage and see the true beauty of the covenant of marriage. As Christ loved the church. We are no experts by any means, we are not habitual forgivers now but we are growing and we are trusting.
 |
| Our anniversary dinner out at one of or favorite fancy burger places :) |
A few things that have helped point us to Him in this last year:
Marriage in Gospel Focus, Tim and Kathy Keller
@ The Gospel Coalition Women's National Conference 2012
http://vimeo.com/45289912
Grace Community Church Sunday Worship
Covenant Life Church Topical Sermons
Books:
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Preparing for Marriage
The Art of Marriage
The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller
This Momentary Marriage by John Piper
Love Across Latitudes
What Did You Expect? (love this wake-up call book!)
& The Bible
Thanks for praying for us this past year. We know and hope it's just the beginning of a strong foundation and deeper joys. We love married life more and more. We now more fully understand that marriage is not made for our happiness but is for our holiness and God's glory. We realized our own selfishness most of all. And we asked the Lord to turn that into thankfulness and love for each other instead of ourselves. We probably didn't blog as much as we hoped because we were working on our marriage and loving each other and... surviving. (Messy, but this is probably a better wrap up than all that we could've shared, trust me. If you want to know more though, of course, you can always ask.) But we are super excited already for all that year #2 has to bring and what the Lord has for us. We love each other more each day and most of all know our great deep need for Jesus. Please continue to pray we would cling to our first love and be devoted in the Word and prayer. So that we could love Him, love each other, our brothers and sisters and the lost around us.I look forward to this new year of life-sharing blog posts, things to be thankful for, sharing recipes, baked goods, attempts at asian dinners and making western meals in our life overseas, more life lessons and God's Word changing us, growing us and molding us, marriage struggles & growth, our hearts wherever they may be, sharing fun culture things and just plain old life little joyful things.
Whatever life brings :) Stay tuned :)
No comments:
Post a Comment