Remembering Our First Love this First Year

"The first year of marriage is miserable" ... "The first year is so hard"... "Our first year was the most difficult time"... We heard it many times from many people. And now after this first year, we can safely say we agree!!!!

There have been so many real joys in our new married life. And yet so many really hard things too. Sometimes we feel like we could not be more thankful for our marriage and to have each other to do life together. But other times, it feels like we're so lost and more alone.

We wanted so badly to be healthy godly people so that we could love each other well and serve each other, considering each other's interests before our own. But actually, we realized we were practically married to strangers. There's so many deeper things we didn't know about each other. Like if we wake up well or wake up like monsters (me). Or late night if we are happy campers or ... monsters (him). (Late night owl marries the early bird) We didn't know how to react when the other got angry or discouraged in the moment. (Our dating life was mostly through texts, calls and emails long-distance.) It's not that we didn't know each other or argue while we dated. We surely didn't think the other was perfect. More like, we just got to look through the window and see mostly great desirable things and just a small glimpse of the imperfect, dirty heart stuff. (I feel like I've blogged about this already? I don't know if it's in my many draft blogs I've written and never posted because I couldn't get around to finishing them or in my journals or emails to friends! But bare with me...)

Because we couldn't free the top layer of our cake and bring it overseas with us,
I made our very own red velvet cake replica.

This summer as we prepared our hearts to celebrate our 1st year anniversary... we reflected back a lot on this year. And how only by God's grace, we are still together! (Throw in the cross-cultural pressures, language, in-laws relationships, stress, our sin, busyness of life, work, relationships, hard hard church life, arguments, long long deep cries... along with the laughter, fun, adventures, travels, romance, dates...) The latter always seems to be the glimpses of hope and not the most memorable of this past year though. For me, the Lord led me to Psalm 73 as I started to learn my biggest lesson of this first year...

Psalm 73

A psalm of Asaph.

1 Surely God is good to Israel,
    to those who are pure in heart.
(I am so often not sure pure in heart!)

2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
    I had nearly lost my foothold.(yes, that's me!!!! exactly how I felt!)3 For I envied the arrogant
    when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
(yes, me again. envious.)

4 They have no struggles;
    their bodies are healthy and strong.[a](definitely seemed like a lot less than we had)
5 They are free from common human burdens;
    they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
    they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity[b];
    their evil imaginations have no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
    with arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
    and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
    and drink up waters in abundance.[c]
11 They say, “How would God know?
    Does the Most High know anything?”
(Does God know how we're doing?)

12 This is what the wicked are like—
    always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
(Help me Lord to not be like the wicked.)

13 Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
    and have washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been afflicted,
    and every morning brings new punishments.
(I have tried so hard to seek You Lord, why do I feel so afflicted still?)

15 If I had spoken out like that,
    I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
    it troubled me deeply
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
    then I understood their final destiny.
(Many times, I've just wanted to enter your sanctuary.)

18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
    you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
    completely swept away by terrors!
20 They are like a dream when one awakes;
    when you arise, Lord,
    you will despise them as fantasies.
(Where else could I run Lord? I know there is only Truth, the Way and Life found in You. But my heart is heavy from the realities of brokenness and sin and life.)

21 When my heart was grieved
    and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
    I was a brute beast before you.
(My heart was tired this year Lord.)

23 Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
(Yet I will stay with you, Lord, because I trust in you.You will hold me always by your right hand.)
24 You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
(You have guided me before and in each time, even when I felt I could not go on anymore and we both wanted to give up, you guided me again and again and again showed us your great glory and power.)
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
(Oh, Lord, whom do we have but you??? No one. On earth there is nothing we desire besides you.
We confess that even when we look to each other before you,

we know we have looked in the wrong places and idolized wrong things.)
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.
(We fail. So much. God. But thank you for your great GRACE and love for us. Thank you that you are truly the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. That you are our only first love.)

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
    you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
    I will tell of all your deeds.
(Oh, Lord, it is good to be near to You. You are our sovereign Lord, you are our refuge and we will continue to trust in you and tell of all your deeds.)

Sometimes James and I felt and still feel completely lost in our marriage world and our life. In the dark hard times, we reach out and cry out to the Lord. No matter if that takes a few minutes, hours or days. And we have learned more deeply of our first Love's love for us. We have turned to Him, separately and together. Even though we felt lost, we are thankful to know where to turn to and know that we are not alone and our hope is in our sovereign all-powerful loving gracious forgiving Lord. We are thankful to learn how to see the gospel in our marriage and see the true beauty of the covenant of marriage. As Christ loved the church. We are no experts by any means, we are not habitual forgivers now but we are growing and we are trusting.

Our anniversary dinner out at one of or favorite fancy burger places :)

Wherever we are, I think we need the remember that there is nothing we need to desire more than God. Not our spouse's love, not approval, not those things we always struggle with... it's just God. We just need Him to fill us, to meet us, to mold us, to change us, to cleanse us, to forgive us, to love us, to draw near to us as we draw nearer to Him.

We are also thankful for the plentiful resources, books, sermons, supporters, prayers & comfort in and from many friends (thank you most of all to Greg and Wendy Gill for their patience, love and grace and many precious skype times through this year).

A few things that have helped point us to Him in this last year:

Sermon videos:
Marriage in Gospel Focus, Tim and Kathy Keller
@ The Gospel Coalition Women's National Conference 2012
http://vimeo.com/45289912
Grace Community Church Sunday Worship
Covenant Life Church Topical Sermons

Books:
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Preparing for Marriage
The Art of Marriage
The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller
This Momentary Marriage by John Piper
Love Across Latitudes
What Did You Expect? (love this wake-up call book!)
& The Bible

Thanks for praying for us this past year. We know and hope it's just the beginning of a strong foundation and deeper joys. We love married life more and more. We now more fully understand that marriage is not made for our happiness but is for our holiness and God's glory. We realized our own selfishness most of all. And we asked the Lord to turn that into thankfulness and love for each other instead of ourselves. We probably didn't blog as much as we hoped because we were working on our marriage and loving each other and... surviving. (Messy, but this is probably a better wrap up than all that we could've shared, trust me. If you want to know more though, of course, you can always ask.) But we are super excited already for all that year #2 has to bring and what the Lord has for us. We love each other more each day and most of all know our great deep need for Jesus. Please continue to pray we would cling to our first love and be devoted in the Word and prayer. So that we could love Him, love each other, our brothers and sisters and the lost around us.

I look forward to this new year of life-sharing blog posts, things to be thankful for, sharing recipes, baked goods, attempts at asian dinners and making western meals in our life overseas, more life lessons and God's Word changing us, growing us and molding us, marriage struggles & growth, our hearts wherever they may be, sharing fun culture things and just plain old life little joyful things.
Whatever life brings :) Stay tuned :)

6 Months & Counting...

I get super excited thinking about the rest of my life with James when I think about how these 6 months have already went... I can't believe it's been 6 months and counting already :) Just so thankful to God for my faithful, loving, so-not-perfect (like me) but forgiving, humble, passionate, motivated, inspiring, wise, funny and so much more handsome godly husband.

I know we haven't had a chance to share many photos with you from our wedding and our lives recently so maybe I can try to do that now, just a little bit. It always feels like there's more to do and I don't think this blog helps.

February 8th, 2014 we remembered 6 months ago we officially got married and got our marriage license and from that moment on we promised ourselves to each other before God and our family.

February 14th, 2014 we had our first valentines date together in person! James did an amazing job surprising me and bringing me to an awesome new DIY place nearby that I've been wanting to check out.

February 17th, 2014 we planned a night out for dinner at one of our favorite local places (although I think I like it better than James) but then I surprised him with one of his favorite dinners that I homemade for the first time just for him! It's a little hard and expensive to find all the ingredients around here but it came together so deliciously. Mexican night with beef and chicken tacos and all the fixings, tortilla chips and salsa and chocolate dipped pretzels for dessert :) Pretty simple I know but I'm finding out we like it that way. Oh and some wine to top it off :) James was super surprised. He loved it.

(This one is probably my most favorite picture of them all. Can you tell why?)

I also spent the day painting and making a canvas gift for him. I love painting and have been so busy I haven't had a chance to craft in this way and paint at all in the time back here so far. It was our Sabbath rest day to be with the Lord. I included a background of our wedding song that James picked out. "Stay With Me" by Amos Lee. I didn't like his choice in the beginning but in the end I did- even more than my song choice (that's usually the way it works with us too, I've realized)!

It's quite a weird song but it sounds so nice and the meaning of the song also isn't super clear but to us it means looking back at the end of our lives and knowing we were together through everything, the ups and the downs, the joys and the tears- staying with each other :) It definitely means much more to me even just after these short but long 6 months.

I was quite busier than I expected having to go to the vegetables market then the meat market for fresh food, the art store and do my online shopping for the special ingredients prior. But it worked out because I'm actually the worst shopper ever here- it is so hard and frustrating, sometimes to the point of tears ... sometimes... to get to the markets (that's for another blog post) but I worshipped the Lord and felt like He was right there with me speaking into my head and heart helping me to serve and love James.

Anyways, we really celebrated with all of our hearts I believe because we know we've learned a lot... A LOT already in these 6 months about marriage. And yet we know it's still just the beginning. We have so many lessons we have learned and are in the midst of learning and I know.. so many we haven't even touched on that we want to share with you.

The biggest is definitely that without Jesus we know we would not love each other more today than the day that we said, "I do". Without Jesus, apart from Him, we really have no true goodness in us.

We feel like we're in the Biblical school of love. Learning day by day what LOVE really is. Through tears, arguments, fights, thoughts of regret and fear, distrust, not wanting to look at each other or be in the same room, to cries of desperation, help, being on our knees in prayer, wanting to give up hope, but instead finding it in the Lord's grace and love for us, His compassion.

We're finding out more little glimpses of what this LOVE that God says He is... really is. Through changed hearts, confessions to each other, apologies (sometimes hard sometimes easier with soft hearts), forgiveness, GRACE, understanding, searching and ultimately just seeing the gospel at work in our lives.

We're finding out more little glimpses of what this LOVE that God says He is... really is. Through changed hearts, confessions to each other, apologies (sometimes hard sometimes easier with soft hearts), forgiveness, GRACE, understanding, searching and ultimately just seeing the gospel at work in our lives.

I just love doing life together. God's plan is so much better than what mine originally was.
I couldn't have dreamed up a better man for me.

Thanks for letting us be a part of your lives and for you being a part of ours in some way! We can't wait to continue walking this journey with you, sharing and walking and walking and sharing.




I will share more about our wedding and life and marriage lessons and adventures with you soon, promise. But for now....

... Check out more of our wedding photos up from our amazing photographer and godly sister and friend, Ica's blog! Thank you Ica for blessing us through your talents & gifts.

We also know many of you weren't able to share in our wedding day with us and we want to share with you the great blessing the day was through our wedding video that we love so much.

                               

  

What is better?

Recently, after returning home from travels, God has given us time to play catch up. I hate to say it's "catch up" because then I don't feel as relaxed when I look at my long to-do list. It's interesting how we have been using our time. The list doesn't seem to be getting shorter. And there seems to be more and more things on my mind. (Even blogging probably belongs closer to the bottom of the list but here I am)

It's been relaxed but also heavy these days. We feel tired but yet refreshed somehow...

When we returned from some travels this past month, we visited James' grandpa in the hospital a few times. We have to travel about an hour and a half one way to get there. He was in the ICU for over a month. Longer than I expected, I have to admit. But we are so thankful God answered James' prayers to give him more time so we could share more with him about Jesus. We prayed every chance we got that we could boldly clearly share about salvation through faith by grace in Jesus Christ. James' shared with his grandpa and his family before many years ago but they didn't seem to respond much at all. We are thankful for the many opportunities God gave us. But we hurt inside as we watched his grandpa suffering in pain and discomfort. We spent the week with his mom, having dinner at her house, going shopping for chinese new years to build relationship and love her through quality time, we chatted with her a lot. We saw her many tears. Every time she was in the ICU, she would cry out loudly and helplessly try to make her dad feel more comfortable. When I was beside his grandpa I heard her tell me to tell him "We will save you." "The doctors will save you." Again, I heard others visiting their sick relatives whispering, yelling, trying to believe their own words... "I will save you... We will save you."

When James and I would pray, when we would talk to his family and be with them, I could not help but think about Jesus. I know and believe that only Jesus can truly save us. It doesn't mean we won't have pain and suffering or hard things. But when we trust in Jesus, we know in those last moments/days/months of our lives, where we will be going next. We know what we are saved from. James and I together just talked about how nothing else in life really matters, especially in those moments, other than knowing and loving Jesus.

This past weekend James' grandpa passed away. We pray he had the softened heart to surrender his life to Jesus and place his faith in Him for his salvation. To trust Jesus' life, words, miracles, death, resurrection - to trust all of Jesus so that he could be saved from eternal death and suffering. We pray he is not in pain anymore and that God brings comfort to the family.

In this hard time, God has and is strengthening our faith and turning our eyes to Him.
We have been more united with each other.
And most of all, with Jesus.
There is nothing better than knowing and trusting in Jesus.

Thank you for praying for James and his family and for us to love them being instruments of God's love. Thank you for praying for his grandpa's faith. Tomorrow is the funeral. Would you continue to pray that God would use this time to draw us and many others that don't know Him to see Him and know that He is the way, the Truth and the life? Thank you for your prayers.

Our hearts have just been aching for those of our family and friends who don't yet know Jesus and his saving grace. Do you know what that feels like?

We see them looking at their circumstances and thinking that's all there is. Just living day by day missing out on the same Jesus that we, before, also did not know. Join us to pray for a continued compassion, passion and heart for sharing Jesus with those who don't know him, and not only fervently in the last moments of one's life. But, now. It is so real to me how short life is. I remember my grandpa passing away my senior year of college and how it shook me up. I questioned God, I cried rivers. I couldn't understand how to trust Him through that time. I felt like I was hanging on. But I'm so thankful for each time that God draws me closer to Him and grows my faith.

Let us allow God to grow our faith and draw us to Him.



Lately, I have been especially encouraged and challenged by the boldness and love of other Christian brothers and sisters in the spotlight. Is it just me or are there more and more Christians standing up and standing firm in their faith and genuinely wanting to love others and share Christ with the world? To be light in the darkness. Showing the world that Jesus is better and He is our hope. I hope these encourage you today as they've encouraged me.

Natalie Grant at the Grammys - definitely a light in darkness

"We left the Grammy’s early. I’ve many thoughts about the show tonight, most of which are probably better left inside my head. But I’ll say this: I’ve never been more honored to sing about Jesus and for Jesus. And I’ve never been more sure of the path I’ve chosen."

D.J. from Full House - balancing her life and going back to the Word of God

“My whole thing was that I always thought I was such a good person … [I would think] I’m such a good person compared to other child stars,” Bure said. “I was a people pleaser. … I never really understood my need for Jesus, because I never really saw myself as a sinner.”

But Ray Comfort’s book, The Way of the Master, changed all that for her. 

“I recognized for the first time, ‘Oh, I guess I’m not as good as I thought I was. I am good by worldly status … but God has a different standard,’” Bure said.

Seattle Seahawks, Russell Wilson & Others - What is better than the Super bowl?

"Jesus is better."

Gospel Coalition Blog Post: What is better than material wealth? Relationships? Sexual Freedom? Comfort? Ease? Jesus is Better

"As we share our faith, may we do so with the winsome confidence that life in Jesus is so much richer, fuller, and better than any life apart from him. The gospel is good news! Lives that reflect a joy deeper than circumstances lovingly bear witness to this soul-satisfying truth: Jesus is better."

Jesus is better.
and so now, we rest in Him.
                                       

But for now...

From a busy December to a busy trip this January...

but we'll be back soon to catch you up. :)

but for now... us celebrating J's birthday
and our 5 months of marriage
with a special western "Sizzler" dinner! yum.
eating way too much this month.

we love traveling the world together
on the adventures God gives us for Him!
very blessed...


Love, Mr. & Mrs. Chu

THANKS GIVING hearts

When November hit and I started to see "I'm thankful for this... " "I'm thankful for that..." I knew the month of thanksgiving was coming too fast. I was just getting done celebrating halloween with new friends and my spider webs and slowly-rotting carved pumpkins were still hanging around.

busyness and busy streets in a busy world

I didn't have enough time to think of a creative way to give thanks each day in November and start a new tradition (like I saw much of on pinterest and instagram...and I love traditions!) for our new family! I wanted to slow down. It felt rushed to switch into giving thanks after a busy October.

we did both finally got hair cuts though! :)
party hosting should be in our job description ;) they call me "party queen" here

It's now December and I have had 4 thanksgiving parties already in the past 2 weeks. Three of these thanksgiving parties were to give thanks with our friends and family for our wedding since they could not be there. One was a big potluck!

pumpkin pie!!!! from real pumpkins and homemade pie crust :)
I didn't know I could do it but life overseas does that to you...

yummiest sweet potato casserole! on the first try!

good ol' homemade mac and cheese :)

(I'm a housewife in the making, so I'm learning the art of cooking. I love baking and experimenting with new breads, cakes, muffins, everything! But I'm slower at the dinner meals! Thanks to James for being the taste tester of all things that come out of our kitchen.)

My heart doesn't feel rushed into giving thanks anymore.
It feels like it's really giving thanks to the Lord. For that, I am thankful.

We gave thanks with family and friends. We shared our life changes, love story, wedding pictures and videos with friends, we dug deep into scriptures, we worshipped our God, sang, meditated on the Word.

i love this little girl and her parents in our church small
group :) she's so cute. i hope our future baby is like her!

we found a big christmas tree in a hotel nearby
and ran in to take a quick photo

My heart is full- refreshed by looking first to God and seeing how HE loved me so much and sent me His Son, Jesus, to die for my while I was still a sinner. How HE did this for each of us in this whole world, whether each of us believe in Him and call Him Lord or not. He did it for each of us. And I, we, believers, Christians, get to know Him more and more deeply each day and know we will forever be in the presence and care and glory of the Lord.

And oh my heart burdens and breaks for my friends and family who don't know Him yet. But we pray. We pray without ceasing, giving thanks, that the Lord does not stop pursuing us with His love. We rejoice because we know that in our lives we see God's grace. We see many of our family and friends drawing closer to Him and we are thankful for that.

The rush of the past few months reminded me to give thanks everyday. That giving thanks in all circumstances is in the will of Christ Jesus. (1Thess 5:18) And to rejoice, to be filled with joy continuously. So, that is our prayer as individuals and a family. We will continue to count our blessings instead of our (my) grumbling and complaints. I will give thanks unto the Lord. We will give thanks. Because there is so much to be thankful for.

And now with thankful hearts, we enter December... the month of advent... "coming" ... a month of waiting patiently and expectantly for Christmas, celebrating the coming of the Lord, that we celebrate each day. "We are advent people" - Ann Voskamp So we wait... expectantly. :)

Love, Mr and Mrs Chu